| warning: jealousy can kill you |
[Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 @ 11:50pm] |
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mood |
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 jealous |
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Dear Jaymes
I want to trust you. At least, I think I do...I just want to trust you so you will come back to me, not for any other reason to be honest. I just cannot take the fact that you hang out with her all the time. I mean i understand you have to work with her. But then after work you spend all night with her? We can't even hang out without her texting you.
It's like sometimes I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but sometimes i honestly want nothing to do with you. Sometimes I regret ever meeting you.
I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for putting me through hell. I hate you for all the time you spend with her then rubbing it in my face. I hate you for doing this to me.
But i do still love you. I love the way you always try to make things right no matter how many cruel things i say to you. I love the way you never give up on our relationship. I love the way you worry and care for me so much.
Why do you have to go and ruin all that?
-Eliza
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[Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 @ 8:04pm] |
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[Thursday, August 24th, 2006 @ 6:20pm] |
Spend all your time waiting
For a break that would make it okay
Theres always some reason
To feel not good enough
And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction,
Oh beautiful release
Memory seep from my veins...
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You were pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It dont make no difference
Escaping one last time
Its easier to believe
In this sweet madness, this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees....
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[Friday, June 17th, 2005 @ 9:46am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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Don't Let Them - Ashanti |
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Let's start out by starting over. What did I expect? You're no good at lying and I'm no good at comebacks. But you're so untouchable. I'm oh-so-terrible at this.
I'm terrible at this, you know.
Don't hold this against me. I've already said I'm sorry.
And I bet you've got every word I said memorized in your head. And you'll use every one of them,
and you'll use every one of them against me.
Don't hold this against me.
I've already said I'm sorry.
(Tell all your friends about me)
Don't hold this against me.
I hope you choke on every word you spoke to her.
And realize how many times I've tried, but that's wishful thinking.
All I want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me.
Get me far away, or at least as far as this car will take me.
I hope you choke on every word you spoke to her.
(Get me far away, or at least as far as this car will take me)
And realize how many times I've tried, but that's wishful thinking.
(Tell all your friends about me)
I hope you choke on every word you spoke, I hope you choke on every word you spoke...
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[Wednesday, June 15th, 2005 @ 9:23am] |
Dear finals-
I hate you. Go to hell. k thanks.
-a desperate student.
Dear reflection,
Sometimes I smile at you, or wave. Sometimes I'm angry with you and want to hurt you. Sometimes i do hurt you. Sometimes, some special times, I want to walk right up and kiss you. If you were a person, we'd be dating, sort of.
I'd dump you too. You do not aesthetically please me.
-Me
a shot to kill the pain...
a pill to drain the shame...
a purge to stop the pain...
a cut to break the vein...
a smoke to ease the crave...
a drink to win the game...
an addictions an addicton..
because it always hurts the same...
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[Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 @ 9:49pm] |
Have you ever...
[ ] been drunk.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[x] had sex.
[ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[x] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] cheated on a bf/gf.
[ ] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[ ] had a car.
[x] drove.
Do you...
[x] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[ ] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself. (sometimes)
[ ] think your attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have a cat.
[x] have your own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[ ] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul.
[ ] listen to techno.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[ ] paint your nails.
[x] bite your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[ ] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[ ] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[ ] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[ ] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.
Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[x] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[ ] a virgin.
[x] lazy.
[ ] single.
[x] taken.
[ ] looking.
[x] not looking.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die
[x] tired.
[ ] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs .
[x] ticklish
[x] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic.
[ ] racist.
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[Monday, June 6th, 2005 @ 8:45am] |
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mood |
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 *bored |
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I know I've been sorta up and down lately, but life is good right now.
Last night me and Jaymes went to the beach. it was soo romantic. then we went to the mall for a little bit, then rented some movies and went back to my house and ate dinner. I know your all probably sick of hearing about him, but im finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth shut when it comes to him.
So saturday was the classical dance. it was okay, but i dont know. it wasnt nuttin special. I wish jaymes was there. ugh my legs are killing me. i probably lost like 20 pounds lol
well, im in computer class so i guess i should do some work.
much love,
*eliza*
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[Thursday, June 2nd, 2005 @ 10:48am] |
Dear Livvy-
I asked you nicely before, but now it is starting to really suck. So i will ask you again, and hopefully you'll quit the bullshit. Please please please dont destroy everything in my room because I'm nice enough to wake up at 4 in the morning every day to let you in it. And please dont run away again and chase after the cats because it really scares the poop out of them.
No love,
eliza.
Dear Kayla and Erica-
Thanks for putting up with all my dramatic bull. I love you both so much. You never fail to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day, and i hope you both know that you mean the world to me.
-the magnet to drama
Dear Mom-
If you don't want to stay with us then please leave. I'd rather have you not here then have you pretending you're happy. I hate seeing you like this, and I hope you know how much dad and i love you. But if you need to go, then please, by all means, go.
-Your fed up daughter.
Dear Jeremy-
Damn i owe you big time!! You are the fucking best brother in the whole entire world!! I can never repay you for all you do for me, but I hope you know i love you sooo much. Thanks for going out of your way to make sure I'm happy. Oh, and don't think about your girlfriend so much. Everything will turn out okay in the end.
-your little sister
Dear Jillian-
Sorry we don't spend a lot of time together anymore. I guess this is how things are supposed to be though. Things will never be the same, and even though that makes me sad, I'll never forget all the crazy times we had together lol.
-"Jonathan"/"Terrance"
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[Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 @ 10:18am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Helena |
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To: Education Govenors
RE: Exams.
Do any of you have kids? Do you have any idea how much strain these exams put on a teenager? You'd think the mood swings and raging hormones would be enough stress, but nooo, you load a big pile of "Hey kids! Your entire life depends on your performance next week!" Just great.
Dear parents-
I know what I'm doing. Yes, I'm stressed, No, I'm not coping well, but you lecturing me does not make me think "right, I'll do some work then". It makes me sit in my bedroom and cry, because I think I'm going to disappoint you. You always thought I was the "smart one" and soon you're about to find out that you're wrong, and that's fucking eating me alive. oh, and by the way, taking away my boyfriend will do absolutely nothing to help me. Do you honestly think that by taking away someone that means so much to me it's going to help me? Well i got news for you, it's just going to make things 100000 times worse. so fuck off with your fucking lectures and disappointed looks, and leave me in peace so I can revise.
Dear Livvy-
You are the best. You love me unconditionally no matter what, and you are always there for me when i need you. But i would appreciate it very much if you wouln't insist on chewing everything in my room, so that i can come home to the way i left it. Thank you.
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[Wednesday, May 18th, 2005 @ 8:37am] |
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I miss Jeremy. actually, miss him a lot. i wish he was here with me because hes really the only one who understands me. No one, not even my parents, not even my boyfriend or my friends can understand the things i've been through. He was there with me every step of the way, and he knew how to help because he's been through it all. He said I don't wanna grow up to be like him, but that's just not true.
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[Monday, May 16th, 2005 @ 10:48am] |
i miss those days
those days when santa was real
those days when boys had cooties...but you still liked them anyway
those times when everyone gave everyone else Valelntines cards in their little mailboxes in school
the times where worms and other bugs didn't have germs
those days when it was cool if i felt like dancing in a room full of strangers
the times when i was tired of walking so daddy would lift me up on his shoulders
the times when school was the best thing that could ever happen to me and getting good grades was a piece of cake
those days when sleepovers meant painting eachothers nails and playing dress-up
those days when we were never self conscious, we did what we wanted, when we wanted to
those days when there was no such things as stress, and F's, and sex, and drama, and boyfriends, and depression
those times where the littlest things could make me indescribably happy
i remember all those times where i innocently played on the swings
i remember when my barbies were the best friends
i remember the time i knew what happiness was..
ohh how i miss those days
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[Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 @ 1:01pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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I'm Goin Down |
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umm yeah i probably wont be updating so often anymore since my parents got me on lockdown.
i just came back from lunch where i chilled wit andrew in the auditorium. maddd crazy yo. i had my iPod and he hooked it up to the speakers so that the music blasted through the whole room. he was just sittin there and i was up on the stage singing and dancing and performing haha i was bein such a show-off lol. i had the mic in my hand and believe me.. i was breakin it down yall...haha
yo im waayy more upbeat than i should be..but i guess thats a good thing right? i just hope it lasts.
peace out
*mrs. shady*
<3
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| WHIRLIGIG!!!! |
[Monday, May 2nd, 2005 @ 8:53pm] |
i'm on the phone with jillian. lmao roller derby girls haha
a traaggiic daayyyy
NING
..those fucking kangaroos
terrance+philip= jonathans
im going to clean out my closet so you can run away and live in it!!!
shuttup kid thats why you're wearin flowered underwears that my mom gave you!!!!
that dummy got her permit before me!!
haha at least anthony dont get his permit until June
well thats all for now folks..
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[Saturday, April 30th, 2005 @ 4:14pm] |
Have you ever lived my life?
Spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven't then tell me why
You judge me as you do.
Have you ever woken up in the morning,
Wondering if this was your last day on earth?
Have you ever left your house,
unsure if you'd return?
Have you ever sat beneath the stars,
Hoping God will hear?
Have you ever sat and wondered
If anyone even cares?
Have you ever considered suicide
as the only way?
Have you ever tried to hide yourself
behind the things you say?
Have you ever wanted to protect your friends,
and everyone in sight?
Have you ever felt such pain,
that you cried yourself to sleep at night?
Have you ever lived my life,
spent one minute in my shoes?
If you haven't then tell me why
you judge me as you do.
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[Thursday, April 28th, 2005 @ 10:40am] |
But we're all alone now, was it just a dream?
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold and the secret's safe with me..
It's kinda hard with you not around
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the days, when you went away
what a bond to break
I'll be missing you..
i love you Jillian..I'm so sorry
<3
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 @ 11:38am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Jake singing Helena by My Chemical Romance |
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ugghh bad day so far. Its disgusting and gross and rainy outside. i didn't sleep at all last night because of Olivia. So I woke up all extra late and didnt even have time to get ready. Then I missed my bus. grrrr so me and kayla and erica had to walk. in the rain. And like 10 minutes ago i just got my "friend" rite in the middle of freakin class. i had to scrounge for some you-know-whats, and now i have to walk around with my jacket around my waste all day. I just to wear white pants today....
and now i have cramps like a motherfucker. damn homie.
well i guess that's enough complaining for one day. I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball. peace.
<3
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[Monday, April 18th, 2005 @ 9:49pm] |
things that i hate...yeah..
- when people roll down all four windows when driving on the highway
- when people talk about inside jokes in front of u and u have no idea what the hell is going on
- when people have shit to say but dont say it to your face
- when people act all superior like they better than you when they know they aint
- horseradish
- waking up early
- mondays
- being rejected
- unreachable itches
- wasting friday and saturday nights
- People who call early in the morning, and have nothing good to say
- People who call and hang up after 2 rings
- People who drive by with their windows down blasting spanish music
- When you have something really important to tell someone and they don't even care when u finally tell them
- when my feet are cold
- mushrooms
- when people bump into you in the hallway and then act like it's your fault
- radio commercials
- when other people think they're better than me just because im white
- teachers with additudes
- horror movies that make you scared to go to bed at nite
- rollercoasters
- bugs
- report card week
- when people hate on Eminem just cuz they jealous
- stubbing my toe
- immature boys
- most boys in general
- snakes
- stupid birds that decide to be extra loud at 5 in the morning
- valentine's day
- paper cuts
- spanish class long period
- seafood
- sitting on the phone in silence for long periods of time
- not having any money. ever.
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[Tuesday, April 12th, 2005 @ 11:42am] |
I have the bestest bestest bestest friends EVER
i love you all soooo much
you've been there for me when i thought i could never make it through the day
and you've never failed to make me smile
what would i do without you?!
you guys are the best and i love you all!!
much love
<3 eliza
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[Monday, April 11th, 2005 @ 8:04pm] |
well the guy i liked turned me down. >slams head on desk< I mean i kinda figured he would, but i didnt think it would hit me this hard.
also im sick. i stayed up until about 5:00 a.m. puking my lungs out. i feel so weak and achy. not a very good feeling.
oh and jillian and anthony want to go on a double date to go minigolfing and go-carting and all this stuff, but who the hell am i gonna bring??
they're gonna be all lovey-dovey and then imma be left out. like always.
ugh i hope i dont get sick again tomorrow..*crosses fingers*
take care yall
<3 eliza
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[Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 @ 9:58pm] |
Dear Every Boy I've Ever Wasted Feelings On,
I've made countless wishes on stars. Countless wishes when the clock reached 11:11. I'd throw every last penny I ever had into a fountain if I seriously thought it would help. I've wished, I've prayed, I've hoped, I've cried, I've waited.. all of it for nothing. You all pushed me away, ignored me, whatever you had to do. So thank you all. Thanks for nothing.
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